Spiritual Direction: Finding a Safe Place for Your Story

• "Evicting Shame and Embracing the Identity of the Beloved."

Podcast Show Notes / Description:
"Most of us are busy trying to 'fix' ourselves, but Mike Pennington suggests a different path: Spiritual Direction. Unlike coaching, which focuses on your next action step, Spiritual Direction asks: 'What is God’s invitation to you right now?'

Austin and Mike get 'down in the weeds' to talk about:

• Shame & Self-Rejection: Why the devil never takes a day off, and how to use Romans 8:1 as your defensive line.
• Living in the Present Tense: Why God is 'the God of the I AM,' not the God of your past trauma.
• The Power of Being Seen: Why every human needs to feel seen, soothed, safe, and secure in the arms of the Father.

Resources Mentioned:

• Mike Pennington’s Website: belovedlivingnow.com
• Christie Pennington’s Spiritual Direction: ChristiCoaching.com
• The REACH Forgiveness Tool (Google 'REACH Forgiveness' for the full path).

Connect with Austin:
Visit waustingardner.com for more resources on grace-filled leadership and marriage restoration."

Thanks for listening. Find us on YouTube, Substack, Twitter, LinkedIn, Facebook, and Instagram.

Transcript

Welcome And Why Spiritual Direction

Austin Gardner 0:00

Well, I'm so glad to be back with you. Uh on Followed by Mercy, I am joined again with my cousin. And boy, have we had a time, knowing that we're the beloved and uh knowing that God is doing a work in us. And so thank you so much, Mike, for being here. And also, Mike, you are a spiritual director. Okay. I don't think many of us understand that term. I'd like to. And so won't you just anywhere you want to start, but get to that one.

Mike Pennington 0:28

All right. Spiritual direction is a uh phrase that's not very well known in evangelical circles. Like Lutheran, Presbyterian, Episcopal, Catholic, that that phrase spiritual direction has been kind of more part of their part of their vocabulary. Spiritual direction is similar to counseling, except that we listen more and speak less. The whole idea in spiritual direction, in fact, okay, Dallas Willard said it like this: that spiritual

What Spiritual Direction Really Means

Mike Pennington 1:00

direction is not appropriately named because number one, it's not spiritual, because in this time of direction, you're listening to a person's story. And so you get down in the weeds and you get down in the dirt, you get down in the ugly, you get out of the pain and the trauma. And so it's not spiritual in the sense of just being in the clouds. And he said it's not direction because the director is the Holy Spirit. The spiritual direction, the person who is doing spiritual direction, my job is to be a spiritual listener and hopefully listen with the ears of the Holy Spirit. Listen with the ears of God. I want to be someone who is a conduit for them. Not that they're going through me to God, by no means are we saying that, but it's listening, and I ask God to prompt me with the questions that that person might need to hear that helps them go deeper with God. For instance, um, a um person might share a difficulty, a story, and a simple spiritual direction question would be have you been praying about that? And most people, I mean, some people might think, well, I've not been praying about it much at all. That's why I'm talking to you. And the um uh and then a follow-up question to that, and well, let me just share. I was sharing one time, it was a time in my my training, and I was the person being directed, and I shared a very tender moment in my life, a time, that moment of shame uh that I've already mentioned here that was just so traumatic in my life. And um, the director, the person who was doing the direction, just said, Well, Mike, how have you prayed about that? And it dawned on me I had never really prayed about that. And she followed up with another question, well, what would prayer about that look like? Now that's a good question. Yeah, that's true. And so I had to sit there and think, okay, I it would look like this. And I kind of went through two or three things. I mentioned that I needed to write a letter because the person that it happened with had already passed on by that time and explain it, and then take it into my backyard and burn it as an offering to God and just get get rid of it. And so that's what prayer about that would um uh would look like. So so those are spiritual direction questions. Another question would be someone share something and just say, well, where's God in the midst of this? How can you feel closer to God in your personal life? I mean, there's myriad of spiritual direction questions that that come up. And again, God is the director. I'm the listener. And the whole point of everything that I do is to help that person go deeper with God. And here's something that makes spiritual direction different than coaching. Christy and I were both trained as coaches as well. And in coaching, you lead questions, you ask questions that help them discover their own answer. But you would, at the end of it, you would say, Well, what's your

Questions That Lead You To God

Mike Pennington 4:10

takeaway from today? What is your next step of action that you're going to take? We don't do that in spiritual direction. In spiritual direction, here is our closing. I would say, Austin, based on our conversation today and the things that you have already expressed that you believe God said to you, what's God's invitation to you right now? And so it's an invitation. It's not asking for a step of action. What is God inviting you to? It's uh, and a person might say, well, a deeper life of prayer. I directed a person last week and he said, God is inviting me to rest in him. So it wasn't a point of action other than resting. And resting is an action. It's placing myself in that moment of resting. And so we facetiously kind of say spiritual direction is like counseling, but it's just better. It's just better because hopefully we're letting the the Lord be the director, and we're just uh the prompter. We're just asking a few questions. And so I don't we don't give advice in spiritual direction. It is listening. And when uh it's kind of like nailing jello to the wall, you almost have to experience it to understand it. And so to pastors and other staff, I offer a direction, direction free of charge just so they will see it and understand it. And most of my direction I do free. People can give an offering if they want to. Again, we're not in it for money, we're in it to encourage people. And by the way, by by the miracle of Zoom, my wife has directees that live in Africa and Central America and just all over because these are missionary wives that that are looking for encouragement. It's a it's a spiritual encouragement, is what it is.

Austin Gardner 6:03

If you are listening and you need somebody to talk to, especially you, especially you wives, sometimes you're kind of forgotten, and I hate that. And so you can get in touch with Christy. Could you tell them what to do to get in touch with Christy?

Mike Pennington 6:19

Okay. One of the easiest ways is to go to my website, belovedlivingnow.com, and there's a way of contacting me, and I'll put you in touch with Christy. Also, there's a link to Christy's website on my website as well. But her website is very easy to remember. It's Christy with a K, K-R-I-S-T-I, Christy Coaching.com. And that is not about coaching anymore. It's about her spiritual direction ministry. Every, in an elevator speech kind of thing,

Spiritual Direction Versus Coaching

Mike Pennington 6:50

everyone needs a safe place to tell their story. And most people don't have that safe place. A spiritual director is a safe place to tell your story. We're bound by the same ethical rules as a counselor, that it's totally confidential. No one will ever will ever know uh what you share with your me or with Christy, with us as as spiritual directors. So it's a beautiful ministry, and um uh uh and and again, uh we just want to help people make deeper contact with God.

Austin Gardner 7:23

I've just got some questions. We'll jump around if you won't. Are there any areas where you're still learning to rest in being loved?

Mike Pennington 7:32

Oh my Yes. Because I've shared before my battle with shame. I I know what to do with shame. I'm not gonna let it uh control me anymore. But I have such memories of um abuse and difficult circumstances and these kinds of things that they they come back and I I can I can sense tension just welling up within within my soul. And so I immediately take time to go and just be in silence with the Lord five minutes or so, I I just lay it down. And so those those areas of shame and self-rejection, I still find myself saying, you'll never get better. You might as well give up. You're broken be this is what I hear. You're broken beyond repair. And when I take that to Jesus, it said, you don't need to repair to be repaired. You are loved. I am with you, you are precious, I know your name, rest in me. That Isaiah 43, toward the end of the chapter, is the part that talks about I'll make rivers in the desert and stream rivers in the wilderness, streams in the desert. Behold, I'm doing a new thing. But it's interesting, human beings are forgetful, aren't we? Aren't we? If you look at the book of Deuteronomy, there are two phrases or two words all through that book. Remember and don't forget. Remember and don't forget. As human beings, we are forgetful. We can be totally convinced of a truth one day and wake up the next day, and the enemy whispers those uh lies to us again, and we think, well, was it really real? Yes, his love really is real. And um that he's not going anywhere. In fact, he's pursuing me by mercy. He is following me, pursuing me, loving me, aggressively, saying, Hey, man,

Finding A Confidential Safe Place

Mike Pennington 9:40

wander away. I'm uh I'm right here. So, yeah, those are the same attacks that we've already talked about: self-rejection, perfectionism, performance, shame, busyness, hurry. The human condition, it just continues. And we are the enemy. I've discovered this. I I work with some guys who've been caught up in addiction, alcohol, drugs, etc., and um tell them often the addiction never takes a day off, and the devil never takes a day off.

Austin Gardner 10:10

That's right.

Mike Pennington 10:10

And so if I think I've got it whipped, that that's when I'm in danger. I want to just um stay close to the Father. He asked Adam, Where are you? And whenever he asks me, I say, Here I am, Lord. Amen. Yes, I'm not going anywhere because you have the words of eternal life.

Austin Gardner 10:31

Amen.

Mike Pennington 10:32

We look at great saints through the scripture. Job's wife, in the midst of his pain, said, Just curse God and die. What did Job say? Even though he slay me, yet will I trust him. Hakuk, life had happened to all of Israel. It was a mess. And two and a half chapters of uh complaint, and then all of a sudden, he got right. Even though there's no cows in the stalls, sheep in the pens, figs on the trees, or grapes on the vine, I will rejoice in God, my Savior.

Austin Gardner 11:08

Amen.

Mike Pennington 11:09

Life is gonna happen, and we'll have moments of doubt, but I now know what to do with the doubts. And one final scriptural insight. In John chapter 6, Jesus said some hard things, and the crowds left him. He said, You must eat my flesh and drink my blood, which I think he was talking not about cannibalism. He was talking about lordship, total involvement with me, total submission to me. And they the crowd left not because they didn't understand, they knew exactly what he was saying, and they were not ready for it. And Jesus looked at the disciples and said, Are you boys leaving too? And Peter got it right this time. He said, Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. And so when those doubts come, I just go back to those three stories, and I remember that I'm going to rejoice in God, my Savior. And even if it takes my life, I'm going to stay faithful, and He has the words of eternal life. And so hopefully that answered your question.

Austin Gardner 12:13

It did. And I want all of you listening to know this. You know, you can't be beyond repair. Amen. Because he made you a new creation. Amen. Old things are passed away, all are become new. But I do want to drive home this, Mike, and uh because I want help. What do you do with the shame? You said, I know what to do with the shame. Okay, lay it out for us.

Mike Pennington 12:34

All right. It's very simple. I go to Romans chapter 5, verse 1. I am having been justified, I'm at peace with God. God doesn't want me living in shame. He's given me access

Resting In Love When Shame Returns

Mike Pennington 12:50

to heaven, access to his presence right now. And then Romans 8:1. There is therefore now no condemnation because shame is condemning. Shame is debilitating. Shame is makes me feel worthless and this kind of thing. And I just I just hear God speak that belovedness is not based on performance. It's based on a relationship with a God whose very nature is love. And so what do I do with my shame? I just say, stop. I'm not going there. I'm not that person anymore. In fact, sometimes I'll even say, devil, I'm worse than that. You're flooding me with memories. I'm worse than that. But Jesus loved me and he has saved me and made his child. And so I'm not going to wallow in shame anymore because, and I fall in, I'm not perfect, but I know what to do with shame. That it's it's designed to destroy me. And the thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy. God says, I am giving you life, and life more abundant. And so why should I spend any time wallowing in shame when my Savior says, He who knew no sin was made sin for us that I might become the righteousness. I am righteous, Austin. I am the righteousness of God, not because of me, not because of anything I have done, but because of who Jesus is and what Jesus has done. And you quoted it yourself a moment ago. I'm a new creation in Christ. Old things have passed away, all things have become new. And so then I take action that just staying in 2 Corinthians chapter 5, it says we're given the ministry of reconciliation and the word of reconciliation. I touch people out of the overflow. Because I know who God is and who I am in him, I have a message to share. And no one can ever take that message away from me. I am loved and I'm going to love other people and help them, hopefully, to see the love of God as well.

Austin Gardner 15:06

Well, for the person who has served God for years but feels tired and empty, what do you say to them?

Mike Pennington 15:16

I was first of all simply say you were loved and that God sees you right where you are. I believe it's Kurt Thompson, the psychologist, that I first heard say this that every human being has the desire to be seen, soothed, safe, fair, and secure. Hagar in the wilderness said he's the God who sees me. Wow. I am seen by the Father. He knows my service. He knows my heartache. He knows my difficult journey that I have walked. And he says, I was right there with you. Jesus walked a similar journey. He walked that journey of suffering, that journey of giving and giving and giving. And yes, he was tired. There were times. He would say, Come apart from a while, let's rest for a while. He also said to those that are tired, come unto me, all you that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. I have learned to just take a deep breath and just lean back. Sometimes I get in my recliner, but I just rest in his arms. And I just say, sometimes, Jesus, I just need to be held. I just need to be held. And he held me this morning as I had a time of silence with him. There's just nothing like a hug from Jesus. There is nothing. And I please don't think me crazy, but there's nothing like a hug from Jesus. And he says, Come unto me. And all you that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. He took those children in his arms and blessed them. He knows and he cares. And he is not silent. To be seen, he sees me. Soothed. Being held safe. There's no danger that can harm me. And secure. That takes safety to another level. I am secure in his arms. The hymn writers, boy, they've they've they've had this blood thing down a lot quicker than some of us. That we're safe in the everlasting arms. Amazing grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost, but now I am found. Grace, grace, greater than all my sin. And um we could go on and on. And so for the brother or sister who is tired, who feels forsaken, who feels any of the emotions that we have described described and discussed in this, he sees you, he soothes and wants you to feel safe and secure in his arms. And there's nothing like it. There is nothing like it to know that I'm safe, secure, seen and soothed in his arms. And so that's how I would answer and hopefully encourage a brother or sister that may just be worn out, and I do understand.

Austin Gardner 18:30

What about I've I've fixed my tent back in the past. I can't seem to get off of what happened to me or what I did wrong. Could be what happened to me, could be what I did wrong, but I am still living in something that happened five, ten, fifteen years ago. What would you say to them?

Mike Pennington 18:51

I would say that God is the God of the present tense. He told Moses, I am that I am. That's who's sending you. I am the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. I heard a great preacher, John Basanio, you've probably heard of him too, First Baptist Houston. He preached one time and he said, the best way to describe God is that is that he am. He am always been, he am always gonna be, and he am right now. God is the God of the present tense. And so I can't change what happened to me when I was five years old. I can't happen to me and change what happened to me with my father when I was seven to ten years old. I can't help and change the trauma and the bullying and the pain that I experienced in a few later years than that. But I don't live back there anymore. I've been able to forgive all of those people involved, and I've been able to move on because God is the God of the present tense. It's interesting. We quote the verse in Ephesians, be filled with the Spirit. And in the Greek, it means be continually being filled.

What To Do With Shame

Mike Pennington 20:00

Continually being filled. It's a present tense, active, and so it's just try to live in the present, uh, in the present moment. And I heard somebody say, and it came across pretty strong one time, they said, you know, some of you are in bondage to dead people. And he said, that's not a good place to be. And so some people in your past who have hurt you, they can't come back and ask your forgiveness. Others that have hurt you that are still living, they may not care. That maybe they don't even know. But God is the God of the present tense, and I'm just not going to be bound by what happened to me once upon a time. My Savior paid it all. He he died for all of that. And why should I, we hear occasionally this phrase, you know, somebody is living rent-free in your head. Well, I'm just not going to let my goal is to be so in touch with God and so present tense with Him that no one is living rent-free in my head, be it a trauma. I also use the the image of a tent. We play, we we're still living in a tent some years, uh, some years ago. Let that puppy go. And those are not just words, it's things that I've had to do because I don't know all of your traumas, but you don't know mine either. But I do know that God is the God of the present tense. And just like he meets me every day under the beloved tree and he gives me a hug, and I hear him say, You are beloved, I would encourage you to forgive, turn loose, and move forward. Amen. In that. And there's one other thing if we have time for me to if you will if you're out there and you're struggling with forgiveness or with things that have happened in the past, there's a psychologist, I think he worked at Harvard at one time, and it's called Reach Forgiveness, R-E-A-C-H. So capitalize that in Google, or you really don't even have to read. Reach forgiveness and the R in reach stands for remember what happened. Some would say, oh no, we need to just place it out of our mind. No, remember it, feel it. The E in reach, and you need to read. There's a lot of stuff that you'll find if you'll just Google reach forgiveness. The E stands for empathize. Do your best to empathize with the person who hurt you. It's not that you're approving or anything like that, but the reality is that hurt people hurt people. And so I remember it. I empathized and R-E-A-I can't remember all the, I'm forgetting it right now. But if you if you're looking for a tool, I'm giving you a tool here. Reach forgiveness. And you'll be amazed. There's a the R-E-A-C-H, and it's a beautiful across take, it's not a formula, but it really is a path that helps. And there's another article that he's written on how to forgive yourself. Reach forgiveness for yourself.

When You Feel Tired And Empty

Mike Pennington 23:10

Because sometimes people are bound up in the past because of something that they did. They have not forgiven themselves. And with all the heart of love I can gender up right now, to not forgive yourself is a prideful statement. You're putting yourself above God. Because if God forgives you, I should be able to forgive myself. And so I'm before you today as someone who is not holding a grudge against anyone that I can think of. And I have forgiven myself for all of the junk that I have done. And you know what Jesus says to that? He says, Hooray. Thank you for letting me forgive you and cleanse you from all of those things.

Austin Gardner 23:53

Amen. Well, I know that time is flying by, and I'd like to get you back another time in the future. If you could sit down with a young preacher or a young believer, there ought to be a preacher.

Mike Pennington 24:07

Sure.

Austin Gardner 24:07

There are a lot of things that we didn't understand about grace. And uh I really wish I had. I I told another friend, I said, you know, when I look at my life, I'm almost embarrassed. I had to be this old to get where I am. So what would you say to the young person?

Mike Pennington 24:25

Okay. A few years ago in a retreat, a person was talking about living in our true self or false self and growing and all of that. And it was just before lunch, and he said, Is anybody have a question? And I said to him, I said, Why did I not discover some of these 40 years ago? Yeah. I I and I was weeping. I just, why the the the the things I could have done uh could have done differently. So if I could take uh time to talk to 18-year-old or 20 year year old you or me, uh I would say two or three things. First of all, learn to spend time with God just because you love him. Not to check off a quiet time checkbox, but learn to love God and learn to hear his voice say, I love you back to you. Because uh that that's the most uh that's the most important thing to know that he loves me and to hear him say that back. And I would encourage every young person, and just you know, you'll mess up, you'll make mistakes, there'll be sin in your life. There's there's all kinds of tragedies and traumas that may come into your life. But understand that God's basic view of you and stance to you is to smile at you. I have learned that God is smiling at me only in these last eight years. It's just, I would think,

Living In The Present And Forgiving

Mike Pennington 26:05

why in the world would God want to smile at me? I'm a broken mess. But yes, I'm broken. But as I heard someone say one time, we're a mess, but we're a divine mess. And I thought, no, I'm gonna argue with that a little bit. I'm not sure. I think my wife might be a divine mess, but I'm just a mess. I'm just a broken mess. God looks beyond my brokenness and he loves me. So never neglect that relationship with God, because as I said, I think in another day's podcast was it's all about connectness, learning to abide. If I am loving the Lord my God with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength, if I'm abiding in him, then I'll minister out of the overflow. So much of my ministry, I ministered in my own strength, and it was exhausting. When I have ministered and I've known that God was absolutely working in and through me, it's joyful. Sure, I may have some physical tiredness after it's all over, but there's a joy that is there. So those are some things that I would say to a young minister or just a young Christian, never neglect that connectedness with God because He is excited anytime you come into His presence.

Austin Gardner 27:27

You know, I would remind all of you that we're all created and we're all made to be dependent. And the biggest sin that we have is independence. Yeah.

Mike Pennington 27:35

Amen.

Austin Gardner 27:35

It's like telling God, I don't need you. That's like the creation telling the creator we don't need him. And so I hope that you've listened to this and and enjoyed it. I think we have learned a ton. I have, and I hope it blesses you. I want to thank you for being with us. Mike, uh, this is finishing up a whole week. So what come on, you take five minutes more, whatever. Go ahead and say what you say what you want to say, and then we'll close her out.

Mike Pennington 28:02

Well, learning that I was God's beloved, absolutely. It transformed me. It absolutely changed me in ways that I cannot even understand. But I'll tell you one thing. My wife understands it. My children have seen a dad transformed. My grandchildren are just getting the benefit of all I've I tell my grandchildren, every one of them, all seven of them, that they are beloved. In fact, one of them, she thinks that's her name. And I say to her, now, now who are you? And she goes, I am beloved. And because I just I just overflow with it. It it changed my perspective, it changed my life, it changed my marriage. I've asked my children to forgive me for the times when I disciplined them in anger. It's absolutely has has just changed, uh, has changed my life. And so my prayer for you is to get with God and understand just how loved you really are. That God loves you just like he loves Jesus. And don't let anything steal it. Perfectionism, self-rejection, shame, performance, those are the enemies of belovedness. Don't let, and I've made a commitment to never go back. Now, I do need to be honest, about three months ago, I got real snarky and critical. And my wife was about ready to kick me out of the house because and I had promised myself I would never go back, and yet I began to get critical, and I wasn't kind and loving in everything that I was, that I was doing. And so even though I've walked in it now eight plus years, I saw that um uh that you know, giddy, you you can you can Austin asked me in another time to describe what when was I having trouble resting in God's love? Well, I wasn't doing it about three, three and a half, four months ago, but I'm back now. And um uh it it helped me to understand, hey, that the devil never takes a day off, and I don't either. I I need to walk with him and just love him and let him let him love me. So that's the message that I would end with. Isaiah 43, he says, I made you, I redeemed you, I made you for myself. I know your name, you're precious, and I love you. And Jesus said it in his own words that, Father, I'm in you, and you are in them, and that the world may know that you love them just like you loved me. And that changed everything. So thank you so much for listening, Austin. It's been a joy and honor to be on your podcast, and

Advice To Younger Believers And Closing

Mike Pennington 31:00

I pray that God will use this and multiply the message of God's love, that the height and breadth and depth we understand it together, together with all the saints, understanding the height and breadth and depth and length and width of the love of God that is in Christ Jesus. And um, he is still the one who can do of exceedingly above all that we ask or think in Christ Jesus. And so that's who we serve, that's who we love. Thanks so much.

Austin Gardner 31:28

Thank you. Well, I hope you've enjoyed this. You know, I heard Mike at his mom's funeral, who she was a sweet, wonderful lady. But Mike talked about being beloved, and I sat there thinking to myself, somebody's telling them the same thing they're telling me. And you know who it is, don't you? It's our teacher. It's the Holy Spirit of God who's just chasing after us with mercy, living in us and teaching us. And so I want you to know you are loved. This wasn't really about knowing Mike's brain. It wasn't like knowing about what we could teach you. It's that you need to know this. God loves you. You are beloved. You're beloved by your father who is well pleased with you, just like he is with Jesus. Thank you for listening. This is followed by mercy. I've been honored to have Mike Pennington with us. We'll be back with him again someday, Lord willing. And I thank you for all you're doing. And y'all have a good time. Share this with somebody and maybe it'll bless them. God bless you. Amen.